嫁个好老公，这么简单的愿望，怎么就那么难呢？

Watching the 9pm drama. This sentence makes me tear a bit. Speaking my heart.

Will things become better?

CNY has never been a joy ever since I met him. His existence makes things horrible. I hate to say this but its true. I don't even encounter any friend who can yell at you out of sudden. Lost patience so easily. Nobody will ever tolerate his temper and attitude. Shit me… I got this shit.

I feel the world is revolving around him. Everyone must be his servant… Never spare a thought for his loved ones. Everything ppl do or say are wrong as long as its against his thoughts. No explanations.

Fuck facebook, fuck happy family photos, fuck happy faces. Fuck My Life!

Basically i hate chinese new year ever since I met this person. My life is like an asshole to collect all the shit.

I shall go temple every week to pray. Pray for a better life, I only want a simple life that is all. I am undergoing so much pressure/stress/bad emotions for this two years… everythings is bad and seem to be going down hill. Seriously i dunno how long can i hold on to this marriage. That day may come. I see it nearing every single day… I need to make the decision to cut it off or else my well-being will be affected. Negative thoughts regularly will cause cancerous cells…

I feel that he is feeding me poison every single day. And, even thou I know its poison I am still bearing with it.

When it comes to "couple time"… I feel that I am always the one wanting. 为什么做贱自己呢？ 我难道没有本钱吗？你不要我是吗, 我举个手一大把男人要我。我还要求你？Her! Sometimes I feel like a widow. I
must beg for sex before i get it. I only get it when i ask and when u feel like… only when we did not quarrel that day. For ppl who dunno, fyi, we quarrel 90% of the time. Extremely unhealthy relationship.

嫁给你是我这一生最大的错。

3 consecutive days of asking for trouble. 我真的受够了。

What's wrong with telling my friend you don't eat ladysfinger and bringal?

I cannot even say what I want in front of my own friends. Then what's point of bringing u to my friends' gathering… bring you there to make myself feel horrible is it? Why is my life so miserable?

At many point of time, I really really feel like calling it quits. What Vern said was right… i shld wake myself up. D is much easier without a kid. When I have both house and kid, that's where I have dug my own grave.

You are full of yourself. Fuck!

How to be emotionally attached to someone who treats me this way. How to be physically aroused by your touch? How to make love out of love. Not to mention making babies.

Since you are not even bothered, why should I? Maybe I should find some random guy. If I am to do that one day, ask yourself why. You are pushing me to the dead end. No Love, No Lush. No friendship. Why continue? I think I am better off myself…

Sad…

Something is seriously wrong with me today!

I was browsing my FB. I occasionally will go to my EXes profile page… that quite normal. But today all flash back happened. The sweet old days, how nicely they have treated me. Always being protected, not being laid a finger.

Yet, I am the one who chose to leave.

Reality suddenly sets in and hit me hard. Maybe I have chosen this path. Like they said destiny is on your own hands.